Everyone heals at different times after a break up due to many factors such as the length of the relationship, having children, betrayal and so on and as no two relationships are the same you cannot set a time for the healing process. It took me years to heal my heart properly and while I wish it had been quicker, the good thing is I did eventually get over it and so will you.
How you broke up makes a difference and if it was amicable with no others involved it will be easier than if you were cheated on or lied to. Anger, bitterness and an inability to forgive are normal reactions but it’s important to work through them and let them go as soon as you can. Coming to terms with betrayal can be the hardest part of a breakup but the most important to address.
Being stuck in the past is an unhealthy place to be. It’s ok to look back to gain some insight into what went wrong or to make sure you never make the same mistakes again but you can end up in a mental trap of what if’s, which will not be of service to you moving forward. Getting yourself into the energy that the future will be better than the past will help you to rebuild faster.
Clinging to a chance of reconciliation is a common mistake many women make and will seriously hold you back. Getting on with your new life as soon as possible will help you set foundations in place for a secure future whatever the outcome may be.
Your self-worth plays a big part in the healing process and how you feel about yourself will either help you or hinder you. After my breakup, my self-worth was so low in every area, that there were days I could barely look at myself in the mirror. I felt I wasn’t good enough to be a single parent, I was nothing without my ex and I would never be loveable again. Of course, these weren’t my thoughts but ones that had come from various people in my life over many years. Once I worked through these I began to see my worth and was able to rebuild my life that was in alignment with my soul.
Another reason why healing may take longer is when you are involved with a difficult ex or someone with a personality disorder. They may play games with you for control or to carry on the abuse from afar. Narcissistic abuse is well documented these days. It takes a specialist approach to deal with this type of abuse and will usually take longer to heal from. The good news is once you understand what type of relationship you were in and understand how the other person thinks you can get to grips with it much quicker. Victims of narcissism are more likely to have very low self-worth with years of emotional scars which affect mental and physical health. Serious narcissistic abuse can leave victims scarred they end up with PTSD, so it’s super important to seek help in this area.
Having the right support team in place at the beginning will set you off on a good footing to healing. Not many people will go through a divorce without legal representation especially if you have a financial interest to protect. However, not so many seek emotional support and from my experience having a coach or therapist to talk things through and help you through the difficult parts is essential. My top team members, if I was going through my divorce again, would be a coach for support and accountability, a lawyer for the business side, a divorce group with others going through the same, a close friend who understands and an exercise buddy. Divorce is said to be the second most traumatic event after the death of a loved one so why would you not have a team around you?